1 bajillion dollars = [x grains of rice] + [y ears of corn]

A few weeks ago, the Head Cheese of the firm gave a presentation to our office about all the typical things a head cheese would talk about - vision, strategy, how great we are, etc. The one thing I actually retained from that talk, though, had nothing at all to do with the firm. It was this fact nugget: not only is the United Arab Emirates obscenely wealthy (which I knew), but Abu Dhabi in particular has money just pouring out of its BUTT, to the tune of a WEEKLY surplus of many (several? at least several... obviously a number too big for me to even comprehend) billions of dollars. United States dollars.

In disposable cash.

A spare bajillion dollars.

Oh, the possibilities...

simple pleasures

A couple things:

• There's some stinky sh*t going on in my work life
• I've also been dealing with issues in my personal life

But!

• I'm rockin' a KICK. ASS. HAIRCUT. Granted, it wasn't so kick-ass two days ago, when my first attempt at styling resulted in a flat, floppy, lifeless pile on my head; nor was it so kick-ass yesterday, when my second attempt resulted in product OVERLOAD and a nasty sticky mess. Today, third time's the charm. This haircut is unlike any hairstyle I've ever had - it's short, and it's kicky, and it has way more personality than I do. It's something I've thought about doing for a long time, and only just now grew a pair and went for it. I love my hair guy!
• I am in such a cute outfit today. It includes a necklace my mom gave me which I love and which coordinates perfectly with what I'm wearing - and which means I actually ACCESSORIZED. My cute outfit is interesting! and sophisticated! and did I mention cute?? My typical clothing choices, while also cute (what can I say), are usually somewhat ordinary and "safe". I'll be completely honest, I kind of stumbled upon today's outfit accidentally, as it looks nothing like the image I had in my head when I started getting dressed. But that makes it even better, no? Yes.
• During my commute I jammed to some music I hadn't listened to in a long time. Music is awesome; it's amazing how just the right music at just the right time can turn my frown right upside down.
• I went running yesterday after work, AND ate very health-ily all day, which makes me feel good today. I'm trying to get back into the routine of exercising after a year and a half of sitting on my lazy ass, and have been jogging and riding my bike a couple (occasionally even a FEW!) times a week for the past month or so. I'm crossing my fingers this will last and I do this more often, despite the impending summer heat and humidity.

I will have a good day today, stinky issues be damned.

a little hairy

Confession (which will be news to no one that knows me at all): I have a bit of um, a type A personality. I like to know everything that's going to happen - how and when it's going to happen - all possible outcomes - before any of it happens. Hi, yes, control freak. *raises hand* Needless to say, I am not comfortable with change. I will never be the person that spontaneously decides, for example, to paint all the walls yellow, or make a major purchase, or change tampon brands.* Or CHOP OFF MY HAIR.

So why is it that every time I actually make an appointment for a haircut (ESPECIALLY the for the more major changes, like bangs, or a perm, or, if I haven't already mentioned, CHOPPING MY HAIR OFF), without fail, I have a great hair day? And pretty much every other day, my hair is flat, or it's frizzy, or the baby hairs are just *POOSH*, or… just, you know, general wonky-ness.

But I am determined to do this weekend what I've made an appointment to do, if for no other reason than to STOP OBSESSING ABOUT IT already (P: *raises hand in agreement*). But make no mistake, I will be pooping my pants about it from now until it happens.

Wish me luck.

* Although apparently, deciding more or less on a whim to go to law school, oh and also to pick up and MOVE TO JAPAN, I am ok with. Says the girl who likes soggy fries but the burnt crusts of hash browns. The same one who needs ice cold milk but room temperature water.

nuggets

Things that have amused me today:

1. Sign above a box of wooden coffee stirrers at work: "Please do not return used sticks!!!"
2. Woman in front of me on an escalator: diligently trying to clear a wedgie from her butt while talking on the phone
3. Laxatives display:

I can has... a poo?

~~~~~~~~~~

Is there anyone else out there that just cannot read a document on screen if it's zoomed to fit the screen? Is it just me that needs to have it at 100%, no more, no less? The only exception is if I'd have to scroll sideways to see the whole document at 100%; in those situations, it must be zoomed to fit the screen.

~~~~~~~~~~

Now I'm going to tell you the story of how I was almost unable to board my flight back to Tokyo from San Francisco. After I passed through security, I spied a Coach store and went in to see if they had a purse that my friend was looking for (duty free! but they did not). A few days prior, the same friend had mentioned that Coach sunglasses fit well on small Asian nose bridges (they do!); so of course I had to see for myself. I put my passport and boarding pass down so that I could concentrate on trying on sunglasses and marvelling at how stunning I looked in them (and, I gotta be honest here, I totally did).

And then I moseyed (mosied?) dilly-dallied around the rest of the concourse, remembering my VIP(apers) - but not where I had seen them last - only when it came time to get to the gate. Which is when I rushed in a panic back to security and got a guy to help me look, which of course turned up nothing - a conclusion I came to on my own, since the guy just kind of wandered off at some point without telilng me that he had decided to stop helping me. I finally went back to ask at the Coach store even though I KNEW I would not have been so silly as to have left them there. Right... me and my silly self would have been in a silly mess had a store employee not taken the documents to my gate. Thank you, hallelujah! Made it to the gate just in time to be one of those annoying stragglers quickly ushered in (with the friendly advice to "Be careful next time, put it in your bag now") by the gate attendant.

So there you have it. Ginko biloba: must look into.

tamami: m.i.a. (abridged)

Um, oops. Guess I managed to skip an entire month here. How you guys managed to go on this long without me, I don't know - but here is the story of why you've had to do so.

First, I managed to attract a stomach virus. Then, I went to Thailand for a week. Next, I was lazy and uninspired. After that, I went home for a week and a half (Target! and Trader Joe's! and did I mention Target? OH.MY.). And now, here I am.

The End.

More to come about my trip home, but not today, because I'm busy being lazy and uninspired.

one of those days

I hate that people in Tokyo DO NOT GIVE A SHIT about those around them (unless they're paid to or are otherwise forced to interact). They do not move their share of halfway to avoid a collision with the person walking towards them; they do not hold a door open for you even if you're right on their heels; they do not refrain from pushing-without-actually-touching-or-making-eye-contact their way around small spaces (men of Japan, I'm looking at you*). We are all part of a moving, breathing society and are not just individual bubbles, sealed off from each other - and it absolutely eats at me, some days chomping and some days nibbling but always consuming, that people here just will not acknowledge that. I hear the counterargument that living in such a crowded, fast-paced environment necessitates some degree of shutting yourself off from the onslaught, a defense mechanism against the lack of personal space. But you know what, I lived in New York City, and it's the same crowded mess there (plus smelly and dirty to boot), but at least when someone bumps into you they acknowledge the fact of your existence instead of refusing to even look at you.

Granted, it's considered rude to be direct here - for example, in business settings (which seem to be the slowest in the march towards westernization**), you're not supposed to make direct eye contact upon meeting someone for the first time, initially directing your conversation instead to the business card they hand you. I understand this and, as strange and annoying as I may find it, I do appreciate it as one of the many cultural differences between Japan and the US. But the alternative here seems to be passive-aggressiveness - full-on elbow into my boob and not owning up to it (true story), pushy-pushy me first into the elevator even though none of us are going anywhere until everyone's in ANYWAY, SIR.

I am usually a very nice and reasonable person (just trust me on this one) - quick to say please and thank you, excuse me and sorry. I am also one of those people that doesn't take shit from anybody. Thus, I am always happy to hold open a door for you if you're behind me; but if you're coming through and I don't see the beginnings of a Thank you making its way out of your mouth, I will let the door go and hope it hits you. If we are on paths that look like they'll collide, I am always ready to move to the side - as long as you do too - so that we don't bump into each other; but if you don't, then neither will I and I will not hesitate to roll over your foot while walking my bike past you in the same straight line I was headed (true story). So perhaps one of the worst things about all this individuals-in-a-bubble shit is the person it's turning me into. I find myself way too often in the "if you don't..." scenario, which pisses me off and has resulted in a habit of doing MY part, moving MY share of halfway and not an inch more, bracing my arm to "accidentally" jostle the other person in passing; or turning around to face someone who has just bumped me a little too hard, glaring or saying something to make them look at me. I don’t like always being in battle mode, it's frustrating and exhausting and it MAKES ME ANGRY. But hell if I am going to be bobbling around trying to avoid people who aren't trying to avoid me (because I am stubborn like that). I don't look for confrontation and I certainly don't enjoy it; but if it's warranted I won't shy away from it.



End of rant.
Aunt Flo, see you in a day or two.

* I consider these to be societal sins whether you have boobs or a penis, but I'm looking at the men because in my experience, they are the sinners more often than women are. And in any case, bullying around a person smaller than you (which I pretty much always am with the men, and almost never with the women), well that just ain't right.
** I am not in any way implying that westernization is the best way or the right way; it's simply "the" way things are headed.

can i maybe just... lick it?

I was at the supermarket again yesterday, and The Box was gone! Someone bought the $400 pair of mangoes, and I missed my chance at a new life filled with gold and diamonds!* In place of The Box, though, was a smaller box. I thought it was really nice of them to consider those of us mere mortals who are unable to buy a pair of mangoes for $400, and allow us the option of buying just one for $200.

for those times when money's tight and you're waiting for the next paycheck

* I am familiar with the old adage that riches won't buy happiness, but who are we kidding, it comes close enough. (I kid, I kid!)

lifestyles of the rich and crazy (or Japanese)

The fruits and vegetables here in Japan look so perfect, they almost seem fake (and they're not just all brawn and no brains - they almost always taste better than their American counterparts). As we all know, though, getting beauty both inside and out doesn't come cheap - it definitely costs a pretty penny to get your daily fruits and veggies here. Some fruits, though - and I still haven't figured out what sets them apart, nor whether anyone buys them - cost up to a BAJILLION TIMES what they would cost back home.

To wit:

Triangle watermelon (don't ask - I don't know) - $70

Round watermelon - $100

Watermelon-in-a-cage (again, don't ask - I know not) - $150

Mangoes - $70 each (bet you can't buy those off a truck on the side of the road)

And, the grand finale, which I unfortunately don't have a picture of as I was too sticker-shocked to do anything but stare with my mouth slightly open - a box of two mangoes, priced at 40,000 yen. Which equals, approximately, $400. In case you missed it the first time, that is for two mangoes. People, that is TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS a mango. I may have to go back to the supermarket to stake out that box, follow the buyer and beg for a place in their hopefully generous heart and, more importantly, their gold- and diamond-encrusted home.

i know you are but what am i?

Is it just me, looking at this from outside the country and thus somewhat removed, or is all this presidential campaigning business getting out of hand? I can't say that I've been following closely enough to really have as informed an opinion as I'd like about Hillary vs. Obama, though I think I've been getting an Obama vibe for awhile now (based on not much more than a hunch and some warm fuzzy feelings about Michelle).

And I usually shy away from talking about politics (mostly because, see above, I don't know enough to have an intelligent conversation about it) but I just have to say that lately, Hillary has really been getting on my nerves. I mean really, Hillary, wipe the brown off your nose, it's a little too obvious that you're saying anything it takes to pander to your audience of the hour. Telling gun supporters that your dad took you out on a little lake behind a little cottage that your grandfather built (perhaps chopping not only the wood but the trees the wood came from while your grandmother churned butter between salting the pork and hanging the wash on the line while knee deep in snow), and taught you how to shoot a duck with a shotgun? What a convenient, perfect little story from the senator of New York and former First Lady with a net worth of about a bajillion dollars who, just to be clear, is not an elitist and is JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.

Obama, please choose your words more carefully from now on. We all mis-speak (just ask your sniper fire-dodging opponent), but there's no need to give Hillary anything more to latch onto, twist into something else and beat into the ground.

please ignore the puddle of drool collecting at my keyboard...

...as I wipe my lick marks off my monitor, thanks to this food blog I randomly came across. It's a shame ingredients are so hard to come by here in Japan.

It's also a shame that I'm probably too lazy to actually go out and try to hunt them down, ingredient by ingredient (because no, it would be way too easy for all of them to actually be in the same place here).

So... back to drooling.